Thursday, June 18, 2009

Flying: Also for the Birds

Readers: These were my thoughts I wrote down as I was sitting in Denver International Airport for more than 5 hours.

My wife and others ask me why I do the things I do; like drive any distance up to 1000 miles. As I sit on a plane waiting for our flight to take off for Boston after a 4 hour delay, I will tell you. Flying sucks, pure and simple. I can think of a number of things I like better than flying such as:
1) Having my wisdom teeth pulled without anesthesia.
2) Having a meat thermometer hammered in my ear.
3) Contracting bird flu.
Well, you get the idea. Maybe if I'm lucky by the time we arrive at Logan and get our bags, I can go right from the terminal to work. Good times. All this after paying $75 to check our bags roundtrip, $200 in cab fare, and $80 in meals and magazines to keep my brain occupied while I act thankful that we arrive home safely. But there is hope. Now that they delayed our arrival time to 1AM, they're allowing me to turn on my cell phone for the next 45 seconds and check the Sox score. Hope nobody has to take the T home. By the time I get home, the Rockies, who start their games 2 hours later, will have finished their game. Oh and there's more. They're coming around with snack boxes that sell for a mere $6. Complete with the finest snacks found on the floors of taxi cabs everywhere! Scrumdidlyicious! We are also apparently sitting next to a surgeon wearing a mask. He looks to be younger than Doogie Howser. Maybe the youngest surgeon ever! I suppose he could be worried about swine flu or sars. Maybe he is carpenter who is going to sand down a cabinet in his seat, and he doesn't want to inhale the sawdust. If that's the case, the least he can do is offer us a mask. Maybe at this point I'll pay $6 for an eye drop of vodka to go with my 40 oz. can of tomato juice. That'll put me to sleep, or at least make me regular again. We are apparently circling around the airport for the next 40 minutes. Hey look kids it's Big Ben... Parliament. Stay tuned....

10PM Eastern. We're in the air and I just got sassed by a male flight attendant.

1:30AM- We landed, and now we know why the guy next to us was wearing mask. He was farting enough to wilt all the corn crop in Iowa.

It's too bad Denver is 2000 miles away. Great city. Great vacation. You just have to fly there.

1 comment:

  1. You know what reallllly grinds my gears? - Peter Griffin

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